It's been about two and a half weeks since my lovely doctor pretty much said she can't help me any more. I was devastated. It looked like there was no beating this PCOS and there was not chance of me having more kids... Devastated. I cried for two days. The good thing was that I left my appointment with the number for an infertility specialist. So, kinda scary at first, but apparently an infertility specialist was what I needed to see. I made the appointment with Dr Gelety (one of two specialists in Tucson) and was able to get in three days later.

So far, I love Gelety. He's the FIRST doctor to ever admit that my pain is NOT NORMAL!! I have an action plan of sorts to get down tot he root of my problem. I had another progesterone test done and a whole round of blood work. Apparently this progesterone test came back normal. When I was seeing my now old doctor, my first progesterone was at .9 and the second at 1.3. When I asked what normal was, I was told it was 7. My progesterone level from Gelety's blood work was at 14. How can that be so different?? I think someone was reading.doing something wrong somewhere.

I have my next appointment tomorrow to see what steps to take next. Apparently, there could be a chance that it's not PCOS causing all this trouble. They are going to check for endometriosis, scarring from my c-section, fibroids, and blockage in my fallopian tubes. I'm much more hopeful now. Someone actually wants to try something different besides prescription after prescription.

I'm anxious to see how tomorrow goes. I'm excited, nervous, and hopeful.

Wish me luck and we'll see what happens.

Well.... I've finished round two of Clomid last week. I go for my day 21 blood work next Tuesday and then for a follow up the following Monday. I hope the news is good. I'm at day 13 today and I think my body may be trying to ovulate. I've been bloated all weekend and I feel those little twinges of pain on my left ovary like I usually do. Hopefully it's a good sign. I finished a month of taking the d-chiro-inositol and went to buy more, but the web site (iherb.com) is sold out. I tried another site, but the bottles were twice as expensive!! I'll wait 'til it's back in stock and get two bottles this time. I think it did help with getting my cycle last month. I did have to take Provera again, but I somehow think the DCI is helping. I've also started taking lecithin to see if that helps. Currently I take 500 mg Metformin, acidophilis, 1200 mg lecithin, and a multi vitamin every morning. I would also take 300 mg of DCI if I had it. At night, I take 500 mg Metformin and a calcium suplement and would add another 300mg of DCI. Let's hope this stuff comes back in stock 'cos I'd love to see it work for me and it takes a few months of consistently taking it for improvement.

Ah then... I guess that's all I really have to say right now. I'm on my way to work soon. I've had a nice long weekend and a nice vacation last week. I think I'm ready to get back into the swing of the week. It'll keep my mind off my body I guess. Haha!

Until next time...

Today I finally feel much much better!! I had a wonderful Sunday! I made French Toast Casserole for breakfast and had my parents over. I got to go on a date to see Ironman 2 and I got to read Bella her bedtime stories, which is usually reserved for Dada only. =) I even got a quick workout in on Saturday morning that has left me a little sore! And this week I have two days of work before my vacation time! Things are looking good!

Tonight is my last dose of Provera and then we'll see what happens. If nothing by next weekend, I'm going back to the doctor. I am still taking the DCI, but am going to start a higher dose when I'm done with the first bottle. I also bought some soy lecithin to see if that does anything. I've heard good successes with both those supplements. I've also started taking an Acidophillis (which I probably spelled wrong...) to see if that helps boost my immune system a little bit. I get enough vitamin C and B vitamins via my multi and stuff like Vitamin Water, so extra C or B's isn't gonna help much. I have also decided that a really restricted diet just makes me crave things more, so I'm just trying to watch what I eat better and portion myself, like one slice of cake is better than the whole corner. =) I hate waiting games, but I've been playing this one long enough, I should be used to it. I shall let you know what happens and if my supplements start working for me. It's gotta be better than higher doses of Metformin!

I look forward to a good week!

Day 30 and still no period. So, I call the doc like I'm supposed to. I rush in for blood work. Apparently I've had so many draws lately, my veins aren't too good. Bleh. I should have results in about 5 hours. Basically, I know the results already. I'm just wondering if they are going to do the same hormone treatment or not. I hope it's the same since it worked last time. When they change it, it doesn't work at all. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that EVERYTHING works this time. I've at least been taking my Metformin and my vitamins regularly. I haven't missed a dose in the last three weeks. I'm going to keep taking the DCI and I might up the dose next month to see if that makes a difference...

Grocery store time!

Mark is putting Bella to bed and I have a few minutes, since Bella refuses to let me read her a story. Daddy comes first. Ah, Daddy is in for it when she gets older.

Anywhoo... I've been taking my DCI supplement for about two weeks now and my diet has kinda fallen off track as has my exercising. I hate that people say you have to make time for it no matter what, but I wonder what they sacrifice for that time. Hummm... I just don't have enough hours in the day. As it is, I have a sink full of dishes, the bathroom needs to be cleaned, Bellas room could use a good dusting and I should probably do a laod of laundry. Plus, I have to go to the grocery store soon as we are out of fruit and some other things that we need. Well.. meh...

I feel like a pin cushin this week... Blood work last Thurs for my hormone levels, blood work on Saturday for my annual glucose/cholesterol/vitamin d/thyroid, possibly more blood work on Friday since I haven't gotten a period again. My hormone levels came back very low, so they are increasing the Clomid. I was told to wait 'til Friday to see if I get a period and then to go in for a pregnanct test (even though the Dr told me there was no chance of me being pregnany because my levels were so low... go figure) and then I will have to do another round of medroxyprogesterone to get a period so I can start a higher dose of clomid. They are confident that the nexy round will be enough and then I'll be normal after that. Let's hope so. It's officially been a year with the problem now! I've also been taking the DCI for about two weeks, with no noticeable changes. I've been reading more and more about DCI and PCOS and everything so far is positive. I asked the Dr about DCI and she said she didn't want me taking it until she found out more info about it. I didn't feel like telling her that I already started taking it 'cos the shit she was giving me wasn't doing the job.... I did print out some info to give teh Dr about DCI and PCOS since I will most likely be going to the office again this week. If not, I'll just drop it in the mail or something.

Well... that's all I can think about for now. Tomorrow I'm going to at least get back on track with no sugar in my diet. I'm not ready to give up juice yet, though. Maybe by the begining of June I'll be down to just water and tea (with splenda!) and one cup of coffee in the AM with some coffee-mate (my addiction!).

OK, it really is time to catch up on the DVR now... Goodnyte!

I have to learn how to start using this again... I've grown up a little bit in the last 5 years I think. I have a two year old now! Haha!

Really, I'm back on here because I needed a place to keep trak of myself. I have a shitty health issue and it has been eating at me so much lately. I figured I'd write a few things down to get them out of my head and maybe I can keep track of how I'm doing.

I was originally diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome when I was 25, right before my 26th birthday, so not really all too long ago. Mark, my husband, and I decided it was time to start having babies. (Which was odd for us, since we never wanted them, but everyone changes, right?) I was told it was going to be hard to conceive and to give it a few months. I was put on Metformin (500mg, once a day) and within about 6 weeks I was pregnant. So much for a few months, right?

When Bella turned two, I figured one more before I turn 30 and then I'll be done. I stopped taking my birthda control before we even made that decision because it was vausing terrible migraines. I was still getting periods until they stopped completely and then began the horrible pain. In June of 2009, I had the worst pain I had ever felt in my lower abdomen. I had recently switched OBGYNs since the one I had when I was pregnant was not really that great of a doctor. The new OBGYN told me to suck it up because I was ovulating and it was sometimes painful. I was given vicodin and told to use a heating pad. I let her know about my previous diagnosis with PCOS and I was told to wait it out before going on Metformin again or trying something else. Wrong answer! I went to my regular doctor who did an ultrasound and tried to help with pain management.

In October of 2009, I began seeing a new OBGYN who put me on Metformin right away. Still, nothing. We tried different dose after different dose and all I had was nasty side effects, which were vomiting and horrible dizzy spells. In between the dose changes, I tired different progesterone treatments, none of which even brought on a period.

In January 2010, the pain came back and I took two trips to the hospital. I even went as far as going on FMLA intermittent leave from work because of the pain and medication side effects again.

In March 2010, I was finally given a treatment plan of sorts... Metformin 500mg twice a day, a few days of estradiol, a few days of medroxyprogesterone and then I get a period. I hadn't had one since October 2009. Now, comes the clomid.

It is now May and I have to go in for my day 21 bloodwork this week to see if they need to adjust the hormones/clomid. After all this, conceiving isn't even my goal anymore. I just want to not have the pain and the complications of PCOS. PCOS can also lead to ovarian cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. So, migh as well get this crap taken care of before it takes care of me, right?

This past week was a hard week for me. After the success of having a period last month, the pain returns. I was getting depressed and angry. I vowed to make some changes. I started a lower carb diet. I basically want to cut out the sugar. I love sugar so much, I even have a tattoo dedicated to sugar! In the last 5 days, I've only had one piece of cake and two cookies! Damn girl! I even started a little exercise. It's hard with my work schedule and my husbands work schedule and with a two year old. We compromised a little. We went walking at the park and then my daugher got to play when we were done. I'm hoping to go again during the week and definately going again this coming weekend.

So, I shall see where this journey takes me. It's going to be interesting, but I have nothing to lose and my health to gain!

New place to be found: http://profiles.myspace.com/users/5276149

New pictures to mock: http://photos.yahoo.com/candyangeldoll

SO, yeah, I really hate working 'til close one night and then opening the following morning... it sucks my ass... but yeah, at least i'm working more hours so i can get fatter checks so i can buy some bling bling... hahahahaha!!

let's see... so, mark got employee of the year so we're staying in Tempe this weekend courtesy of his work. that should be fun. but, i've been scheduled to work on sunday, so i need to make sure someone can cover me... otherwise, i'll just call in with "car trouble." bastards can't prove anything! ha!

besides that, the 16th is just around the corner and that's when my cousin and her busband will be here. I'm SOOOO EXCITED!!! it's just 10 days away... actually, it's almost midnight, so 9 days.

ummm... what else?? i dunno. i need to go to bed since i have to be up with the sun for work tomorrow... JOY!

gimme love

i daydream a lot. but i don't daydream about me. i daydream in stories and characters. maybe in someway the characters are all me. it's been a while since i've written anything. i miss my poetry. but, it's just mine and that i don't miss. i'd like to share it more with people that will criique it and tell me what they really think. i'd like to get a copy of my work handed back with lots of notes and remarks on things crossed out. i should be able to do that on my own now, but i just can't bring myself to. i sit on things and then too much time goes by or sometimes not enough time. i want to write more. more again about turkey feather wings and the wicked tricks life plays and on silly ordinary objects and the things they make me fantasize about. i keep a journal everyday and that helps, but it seems too real. i want something extraordinary. right now i'm trying ot think if something unreal tha ti can write about but it seems as if every idea has been taken. blast! i need to read.

she's in the kitchen
in a pair of short denim shorts and
a pink
tank top.
her hoop earrings dangle and
brush her darkish shoulders
when she bends over
removing the oven's insides.
some kind of hip hoppy
salsa music plays and she
swings her hips.
he walks in the door since
she just gave him a key.
she's free to give anyone a key now that
she's free from the heat.
he walks in quietly just so he can
watch her for a while. it's been too
long since he's been this close.
just last weekend she leaned over and
slipped the key into his pocket and
walked away
twirling her hair.
christ, it had been years that he knew
her, years since he wanted to
be in her bed and be the only one
in her bed.
but it had only been weeks since she was
this close.
she didn't even know how long she would
bother staying.
he didn't even know what he really wanted
which is what she sensed just as
she sensed being watched.
grabbing her by the waist
kissing her neck
it all felt so good
felt alright
felt distant at the same time.
a week later, using his key again
there was no food in the oven
no music
no dangling earrings
no girl.
she went back to her old ways.